


You're still here

by totally_kafkaesque



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Closure, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Post El Camino, Post Felina, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22213288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totally_kafkaesque/pseuds/totally_kafkaesque
Summary: Jesse is visited by a shaddowy figure, 2 months after escaping to Haines, alaska
Relationships: Jesse Pinkman & Walter White
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: Blue Christmeth 2019





	You're still here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cinnabongene](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabongene/gifts).



> So this is my first ever fic or piece of writing published online! Sorry if it doesn't read that well but hopefully it satisfies some of your desires! I didn't make is shippy, but there's a bit of angst, followed by some forgiveness and closure and fluffiness.  
> Merry Christmeth!

Jesse’s cabin in Haines, Alaska is quiet, and though he’d hate to admit it, lonely (aside from his husky Storm). But it’s an improvement. He is free, he doesn’t have anyone beating him and threatening Brock to make him cook. He has a comfy bed, and a regular bathroom with a bath he can use whenever he wants (he still hasn’t felt up to trying a shower since the one he had at Skinny and Badgers’ place the night he escaped). He hasn’t been able to muster the energy to get his new house decorated or get any personal possessions, even after 2 months, but he thinks he might soon feel up to it. All he has is a mattress on the floor, an old radio, and the basic kitchen setup in his kitchen.  
Jesse’s just deciding on what to have for dinner- he’s tempted by pizza but in the end goes for lasagne- when he sees someone familiar in the kitchen. An older, bad guy with glasses and that infuriating superior expression on his face that Jesse would know from miles away.  
But it can’t be him. So Jesse ignores him.  
Jesse’s on his mattress with Storm curled up at his feet, when he hears the whisper “Jesse”, and sees the figure again. He can’t be there, it said on the radio that the old asshole was dead, and besides Storm never stirred, and he’s like the world’s best guard dog.  
But in the morning Walt is still there, whispering his name.  
“What!” Jesse finally snaps.  
“I wanted a… a proper goodbye. Not at the compound, no like that day at the desert. It’s been 2 months, I figured, maybe, enough time had passed for us to talk. I’d like if you could remember some of the good times”  
“Yo like when you sold me into slavery and torture without hesitation?” Jesse spat  
“n..”  
“Or when you let my girlfriend, the love of my fucking life, choke on her own vomit and did nothing to save her?”  
“u…”  
‘Or when you poisoned my other girlfriend’s completely innocent little boy just to mess with my head?’  
‘Jesse listen to me. No. I meant like… that night in the lab when I was losing my mind over that fly, and you knew something was wrong, you stayed with me, and killed the fly for me and looked after me. Or those weeks after you came out of rehab when you lived with me, we’d watch the discovery channel and eat together. All those times when we were helping each other, when I wasn’t being… well a “manipulative son of a bitch” as you would have every right to call me, and when we weren’t actively being hunted down by drug lords.  
“Yo how are you even here? You’re dead aren’t you?”  
“Yes, Jesse. I’m dead. But the subconscious mind is a powerful thing.”  
“Well, why couldn’t it have come up with Mike or Jane or Andrea or anyone else basically?  
‘Andrea? She…what happened to her?’  
‘Well funnily enough when you gave her home address to a bunch of neo nazis and told them I would do anything if I thought they were in danger, it didn’t go so well for her. They… they killed her Walt (He would never called him Mr White again) right in front of me, because I tried to get out, and they made me watch, alright?’ Jesse really doesn’t want to think about that night, but he also wants to make Walt feel guilty, feel a little bit of the pain he felt too.  
‘Jesse, I’m… so sorry. I never wanted that to happen. I didn’t know they would do that.’ Walt advanced on Jesse, who was looking stricken with grief at the memory of that night, with his arms open and wrapped Jesse up in an embrace. Jesse sinks into it, and is relieved that it feels like Walt is really there, he can feel Walt’s warmth and presence. And despite the anger he has towards Walt, he can’t help softening a little. ‘Jesse you are so so strong. To have survived through those six months with those… people I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.’  
‘I did it for Brock. They were going to kill him if I disobeyed them. I was terrified every moment that I’d do something they didn’t like and they’d kill him. But also… I did it for Mike, and for Andrea, and for all those other lives we were selfish enough to throw away, I guess I felt like if I gave up and… either found a way to off myself, or got them to kill me, it would all be for nothing.’  
‘I never gave you enough credit Jesse, I could never have done that under those circumstances… for anyone. I think in your position I would have given up’  
‘Yeah? Well… I mean I pretty much had given up. I was just kind of waiting to die until they dragged me out of the lab to see you. I would still be there if it wasn’t for you. I was just sort of existing day to day, trying to get through, hoping it was nearly over.’  
They couldn’t look at each other at this point, both men slumped onto the sofa, with Walt holding his head in his hands. Jesse wished Walt would go away, he didn’t want to think about the past he’d left behind.  
But he couldn’t deny, he had wanted closure with Walt too. That nod at the compound, hadn’t been nearly enough.  
Walt continues to pop up, usually a couple of times a day, and Jesse chats to him, and tells him about his life since he’d escaped through the compound fence.  
Jesse tells Walt about his new job- that he is going to start teaching Woodworking classes in the local school. Walt tells Jesse that he is proud of him.  
One day about a month later, Walt doesn’t appear, Jesse goes into town with Storm and buys himself a bed- a proper bed- and has the best night’s sleep he’s had in at least 2 years.


End file.
